I married my highschool sweetheart at the age of 18. That was a bit over 44 years ago. We quickly discovered that always being on the same financial page with someone else is tough to do. We both reached early retirement using what I call matrimonial bliss split budgeting. Our split budget didn’t start because of early retirement goals. We did it to keep the peace. But later it did provide the boost for us to reach financial independence together, but separately.

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Our Matrimonial Bliss Split Budgeting Ride

We didn’t come to matrimonial bliss split budgeting overnight. There were many years when our children were young where there was only a single income. Basically, one budget handled by two people in a partnership of aligned goals, but with different ways of thinking. Separate minds will have different mentalities on financial priority rating. I think that captures it. 

We had very tight income to outflow limitations and our shared checking account was the battlefield. There were many marital conflicts when money went to something required, like home utilities. When the other had planned on it going towards something else required, like grocery or children’s clothing. We also had to work on communication.

Balancing the daily costs of living and raising a family, let alone saving for the future, can be a marriage challenging experience. 

Once our kids started school we entered back into the dual income realm of making ends meet.

My bride was able to work part-time and bring in much needed income. We were still on a single budget, but now with a little more income to work with. That didn’t end the financial stresses of two people trying to find a middle ground on financial priorities. 

Don’t get me wrong, her Yin was needed to balance my Yang. It’s hard to relax or have fun until all work is done and bills are covered. Even when there’s likely time later to meet those needs. She on the other hand can let go knowing there’s realistic time to enjoy things and take a break from the pressure of pending needs. 

Realizing our differing mental dynamics is how our split budget was created. 

We both needed to support our overall financial goals. Like providing for our family, keeping a roof over our head, and having a meal on the table. But we also needed to have some control over our spending without infringing on each other’s different mental processes when determining financial priorities or happiness. 

In a nutshell, aside from the benefits of having a covered budget, there are things that are needed to be happy. What makes a person happy is a unique human experience. It isn’t always shared, or equally felt and enjoyed in the same way between different people when shared. If only one person of a couple is happy about things most of the time, the chances of staying a couple gets murky. Blown finances regardless of reason just adds stress to anyone’s happiness.

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We Split Our Budget Based On Two Factors, Earnings And Preferences

Percentage of income budget separation-

I earned a higher income than my bride’s part-time and later full-time earnings. With that in mind I took on the bulk of the budget. Initially we both had tight budget demands that left just enough to fund our own 401Ks and little left for discretionary spending. As incomes increased over the years there was more wiggle room but our budget allotments were only slightly altered. 

Preferred happiness and strength based budget separation-

It isn’t like I love paying utilities, insurance, mortgage, auto and home maintenance, vacation, debt, etc. But I sure didn’t enjoy or care more about grocery or clothes shopping than my wife did.

Our split budget settled on my portion including all living expenses other than grocery, toiletries, household cleaners, her clothing, her auto gasoline, and her 401K. This way we could budget for our share. It ended the chance for surprise hits to the account balance from the other. When we could afford it, we would treat each other and the family out to dinner, movie, or other impromptu fun.

What This Did For Our Marital Financial Peace

Having the separation provided with matrimonial bliss split budgeting allowed us to have control over our earnings and spending without infringing on each other. While still working towards our common and separate goals. Whenever a spending emergency occurred beyond one’s capability to handle, we would both chip in to make it work. 

Establishing Separate Finances To Accommodate Our Separate Budgets

Bank Accounts

We had started our marriage having a single joint Checking, Savings, and Credit Card account. We kept that for my wife to use, then opened another joint account at a Credit Union which I utilized. Having the 2 joint accounts allows us to separately track and balance our budgets. While also allowing us access to either account in the event of an emergency situation. 

Credit Cards

Initially we each used separate Visa cards to track and pay for. As time went we settled on a single Rewards Visa to use for any of our spending. We still pay our respective budgetary expenses in full monthly, but we separately track our Visa use and split it out on the monthly Visa statement. The shared rewards card distributes cash every Holiday season. We use it to cover our shared Christmas holiday and gift budget. 

Retirement Savings 

Our retirement savings evolved from just the normal separate 401K withholding from our respective paychecks to my also funding both mine and my wife’s yearly Roth IRA savings. 

Early Retirement Goals And Split Budget Impact

I had a far more aggressive attitude toward early retirement than my bride did. 

She actually loved her job when I explored the possibilities of retiring young. We both took part in the initial financial planner meetings when my 10 year early retirement plan took form. Our own retirement goals were based on our unique budget and income. When I retired early at age 51, she wasn’t onboard then with her also retiring. She wasn’t menatlly or financially ready to go and had some other milestones she wanted to continue working towards. 

After I retired early we maintained the same split budget even though the earnings dynamics were now reversed. 

My monthly IRA funded retirement income was far less than her full-time salary. But I had just enough coming in to make it work. The thought was for my wife to continue a higher retirement savings rate while still trying to hit her milestones. The split budget arrangement living off of a now more limited retirement income was tight but workable. We enjoy frugal living and I was still able to cover everything. 

Having my budgetary needs being met allowed me to stretch myself to pursue opportunities of interest and passion. I see retirement as the absence of needing to work, not the absence of working. I had always planned on doing my “retire early and often” thing whenever the perfect opportunity presented itself. I’ve had some exciting and rewarding adventures with retirement gigs that checked off a lot of my “would like to learn and do” bucket list. As I was funding my retirement from my IRA, any income I earned was added back into the portfolio and even pay off our modest mortgage. That certainly relaxed my part of the split budget expenses. 

A year into my early retirement my wife saw the early retirement light.

Seeing how I was free from obligatory toil and making it all work without having to work, my wife decided it was time for her to get more serious and join me. We tweaked her savings plan and set a retirement funding strategy to cover her budget to also retire early. A couple of years later she ditched the rat race. We both have the retirement income to cover our split budgets. 

There are lots of ways to do this to keep the marital peace and financially benefit

We certainly had some marriage challenges over the decades. There were a lot of changes in us over the years from when we married at such a young age. 

There are many many things that can challenge a marriage. Finances is one of the big ones that can creep in and ruin everything. I think the most important financial success part of this matrimonial bliss split budget story is that we stayed together, sticking it out through all of what life threw at us. Struggles of all kinds, growing up together and ultimately becoming different people, and raising kids while balancing life and careers can be a relationship meat grinder over time. 

Our having love and a commitment to each other and family; having aligned lifestyle and financial goals; and managing financial stress with our budgeting decisions, played a big role in our marriage longevity and ultimately our financial independence, separately but together.