My Identity Loss in Early Retirement came as a complete surprise to me. I was fully aware that many people experience a loss of identity once they leave their career. So before I retired (the first time) from my 31 year telecommunications career I had a strategy. I had an answer to that common and repeated question, “So, what do you do?”. A question that would come up when meeting new people, whether one-on-one at a party or any group event. I would answer with anything that I identified with myself except my job title. I would say I am Father, Super-Gardener, or Mountain Biker. Anything but throw out my paid profession as my identity. In the end the person asking the question would always circle back and press for my current job identity.

I fooled myself into thinking I had this covered by flippantly avoiding mention of my career. It didn’t work.  I still had that feeling of loss once I did retire early and I was put into the same situation. You see, you can expect one of 2 results depending on how you finally answer this question: Either be accepted and included in conversation or the question asker will try to exit stage-left. They will walk away as soon as they can and move on to someone THEY consider more interesting. It doesn’t take long to figure this out during a social event in your early retirement life.

Even though I normally don’t care what people think I still felt something lost when being so obviously socially dismissed. Before retirement with the eventual revealing of my job title there was interest. Interest as to the nature of work, industry trends, mutual career frustrations, etc. When I revealed I am retired or say I decided to retire early there is an initial “good for you” or “I wish I could pull it off”. But in the end within their mind it seems they just labeled me as unemployed, uninteresting, “un” a lot of things.

I think this is more prevalent for early retirees when interacting with people their own age or younger. People of the traditional retirement age would probably get a little more interest in their retired status when speaking with folks nearing the same milestone. However, it’s well documented that anyone can feel identity loss once they retire regardless of age or career title.

Overcoming Career Snobbery.

It comes down to this. People want to hang with like-minded people. Think “misery loves company”. If you are in a social setting with the career mindset masses then you will be judged within that career-mindset thinking. Initially to overcome this I would then answer that question with “I am a retired engineer”. This allowed some social inclusion but it was all past career oriented. I didn’t want to live in the past. Yet because of this social career snobbery that was all I was doing and talking about.

In the end I realized I didn’t need to overcome the social career snobbery. What I needed to do was overcome why I allowed myself to be in this mindset of fitting in and continuing my identity funk. I needed to stop chasing after other people’s values or definitions for acceptance. My resolution was to recognize my identity values and OWN THEM. What I needed to do was focus on who I really am now. Not what I had done as a job to make money, a job I voluntarily retired early from. Why hang on to that just for some shallow social inclusion? I soon got over my identity funk.

Tips to Overcome Identity Loss in Early Retirement

Stop caring about what other people think.

Outside of getting the question at social gatherings or one-on-one I NEVER gave my identity or possible lack-of identity a single thought. I was just being myself. Pursuing what interested me and what I was passionate about learning and doing. It was only when in a social setting that this would occasionally come up.

This is the first and most effective way to solve any retirement identity crisis. By owning OUR decision to retire early for all the right reasons and not care about what anyone thinks about it. Then it’s all about never being shy and Instead show all of our enthusiasm and confidence in our new life ahead.

Now I never allow others to make me feel like I am being negatively judged and excluded. Instead I now fully embrace my decision to live my life on my terms. This is a journey, an adventure, not the end of living an interesting life. I now get to discover and decide what my identity is. To redefine it as many times as I want to and be excited about it. Let the career-snobs be so. Don’t allow what they say or do cast a shadow on your early retirement light.

Practice identifying with your future identities before retiring.

I thought about this years before retiring the first time as I mentioned above. But I didn’t take it deep enough. Instead of taking it lightly and offering existing side-identities trying to avoid bringing up my career, I needed to focus on the retirement life I planned for and was creating. I should have embraced the identity that I was passionate about and wanted to be and will be. I was retiring to something, not just from something. All by having an idea of all the things I wanted to try to accomplish. I should have tried things on for size before retiring. Then if I succumbed when encountering career snobbery I would have had practice for the future.

Viva Retire Early and Often!

I always knew that I would be open to paid opportunities of interest and passions in retirement. Retirement is not the end of anything but the beginning of a new life. There will be possible encore careers or any number of side hustles. Being socially dismissed or labeled unemployed or uninteresting shouldn’t come into the picture. That is if I show just how energized and enthused I am about all the possibilities. There were naysayers when I retired. There will always be naysayers to try to dissuade anyone from breaking from the norms. It’s understandable since early retirement is breaking from the traditional norms that career snobs are only able to accept.

Put away the disguise and KNOW THY SELF.

What is my true identity? I was an engineer who suppressed my true self every day when going into that office. I had to check parts of my soul and personality at the door. All so I could fit into the mold of the corporate world. The whole time there was this secret Leisure Freak side of me being stifled. I never agreed with everything I had to do in my corporate engineer career. So why would I want to use it as my identity?

Now in retirement I can release the freak and own it. I have a purpose and identity that I can be proud of.

In Closing

Since retiring a second time as a Systems Analyst I have had no identity issues. As I mentioned above I was able to work through my first retirement’s initial identity funk quickly before starting my encore career. On occasion I still get asked, “So, what do you do?” I sometimes say I am a Leisure Freak which obviously will begin questions. Or I will say I have retired again, emphasizing “again”.  I then talk about whatever opportunity and adventure (paying or not) I may be investigating or wanting to investigate. In any case. I don’t seem now to be socially dismissed like I had before. It might be that enthusiasm for our non-career identity is what dissolves negative judgement and being dismissed as uninteresting.

Be proud of your financial independence, freedom to live life on your terms, and early retirement.

Have you or do you think you will experience Identity Loss in Early Retirement?